I CAN

Having been imprisoned on the confines of my bedroom is no easy feat. And yes im exaggerating. Lol. I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather these past few days, almost a week now. I hate when i have these asthma attacks. It’s irritating, it’s a hassle, it’s pricey, and pretty much it’s just boring. Yep, because doing nothing on an airconditioned room just laying around sounds so bad. *insert sarcastic face here. Haha it’s actually quite appealing at first to be honest. Who doesn’t want that? But the more i sit here, on my bed, the more i have time to think. And the more i think, the more it dawns on me that i have limitations and i am vulnerable. Not to sound overly dramatic, but i am overly dramatic, i feel trapped. And being vulnerable and trapped to an illness i doubt would magically disappear is frightening. Believe me when i say i have had my fair share of scary moments. The almost life and death moments. The “i could’ve died -life flashing right through my eyes” ones. I still shudder through the memories but sitting here is torment. Because it’s slow, i see it slowly passing right in front of me, my life. You see, even though my attacks come only a few within a year, these few moments take up a week or two and i can’t help but be discouraged sometimes. It’s a week or two of doing nothing but taking meds, lying in bed, pumping nebules of salbutamol through my manky lungs. And it’s not an attractive one. Fits of cough, runny nose – overall it’s weakening. At twenty seven, turning twenty eight not too long from now, i have come to terms with it. So, why am i saying this? Why am i blogging this? Because I can. 🙂 I CAN. two words so easy to say but sometimes is a bit of a struggle to materialise 🙂 Hahaha hence, im still struggling. Struggling to cope, to accept, to move forward, and to still be grateful. But i know i truly can. And someday soon, ill be back, rambling on again about how i did it. How ill push through this and i’ll totally be smug about it.
Xoxo

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