What ifs and First Loves

“’What’ and ‘if‘ are two words as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” 


I have been taunted by this menacing words from time to time. It might be about the risks I did not take, the decisions I did not make, or the steps I took, and more often than not, it’s about love.


What if?


I mean, really. Have you ever been haunted?  So, you might wonder what this is all about, or why I’m writing this. A friend told me something that kept me unsettled at this very hour of the night. And YASS… I’m writing about it because I have to say something to get through it.


Let me tell you something about someone who loved me and yet I chose to break his heart. (Oh get over yourself, Self! Lol) But kidding aside, he told me I did; he told my friends I did, and pretty much everyone we know. I did not take this against him, and will not take it against him in the near future because one can cope however he chooses. He was hurt.


This boy told me how he loved me. He showed me how he cared. He wrote me letters about it and wrote poems to make me happy. Most especially, he made me feel I was special – like I was worthy of being loved.  I know these stuffs. Yet, it felt good when it was affirmed.


But then I still chose to follow my young and foolish heart. Thing is, when you love, the actual probability of getting hurt is bigger than many of us expected. Our heart gets vulnerable and so open it is sometimes frightening how a single person can bring you so much pain. And… I chose to give him pain. And I am terribly sorry for that. Over and over I’ll tell him how sorry I am. Just for the simple reason that I hurt him.


Don’t get me wrong. There is no getting back together. We have our own lives now.  ^_^


I just wanted to show how much I appreciated every little thing he did, and for the way he made me feel.

I cannot say what it will be or what will happen if I chose the other way around.  Maybe, some what ifs just don’t happen, or maybe it was just not meant to be. And I guess it’s true; people come and go for a reason, either he’s a blessing or a lesson. And I have been blessed to have met him ^_^



P.S: Thank you! ^_^ and to be your first love, as how you say it, IS AN HONOR.  You will always be special to me, and I will always care and pray for you and your family. May God bless you more for you have a very wonderful heart ❤











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