Why loving you is wrong

so, as i am sitting here in front of my desk with high five playing on our telly, i realized i had to let this all out. yes, this is for you. you stalk me like “crazy”.haha and i want you to read this.

finally, after years of uncertainty, of uber highs and deathly lows, i think this thing between us has, no, NEEDS to stop.

it started when your “friend” left a set of jumbled letters on my chatbox. i was skeptical back then but you were nice to me when we were little. it all started with one unclear, innocent message. you started to grow on me. i was fond of you,  the way we exchanged messages, like i was talking to you in person. like we see each other often, like we were together. but you see, that was how i started to get it all wrong.

having been through a lot of heartaches, i am more cautious now than ever. i am trying to be as careful as i could. but then, sometimes, life throws shit at you in the face – hence, i woke up feeling the feels.

years passed, i’m trying to take control over the feels. you see i had my chance. you asked me out, i declined. i felt stupid, scared, and unsure. what we had was chaotic, but it felt good. you make me smile like no  one else could.

you, then, with your charming self got into a relationship. i was hurt. but i cant let you know that. i felt regretful and i blamed myself. how could i be so negligent. like a kid, i wanted you for myself. still not proud of it. we remained in contact, civilized, a lil flirtation and stuff along the way, you told me you had the feels too. my heart sank. i mean why. why? you are in a relationship. i was happy and then i was sad. judgment came inevitably in my head. although, nothing has ever happened, we were just chatting, it still felt like cheating. and I.was. a. part. of. it.

so i was torn, i know what was the right thing to do, yet it took me until now to do it. so here are the reasons why loving you is wrong.

  1. you are in a relationship
  2. you put me in a place where i know someone who really loves me never would
  3. i become a bad person when i love you
  4. everything becomes a blur (i.e. reasons, logic, etc.) when in love, it’s supposed to be crystal clear.

im sorry, im not saying this is all your fault. it was mine as much as yours. we let ourselves. and i let you worm your way in into my heart.  goodbye, dude. you taught me lessons that i’ll forever keep in mind, laughs that i’ll forever treasure, and a love that is slowly turning into a blur. still, thank you. 🙂

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